Chances are someone you know has tried a weird weight loss product. From the 1990s' ThighMaster to the 1950s' vibrating belts, entrepreneurs have long known that the public is willing to look stupid if promised an easy way to lose weight.
Now, with 21st-century technology, people have only found more mesmerizing and ridiculous weight loss products.
Weird Weight Loss Product 1: The Hula Chair
Dance-exercise classes, such as Kukuwa dance, or Zumba, have gained traction in recent years. But one company hopes people who don't want to haul themselves down to the gym may want to sit in the Hawaii Chair for an exotic dance workout.
The Hawaii Chair, also popularly known as the hula chair, made its debut in comedy programs such as "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" in early 2008. DeGeneres tried to pour a drink of water and conduct an interview while using the Hawaii Chair on its highest setting.
A person has two choices once they're sitting on top of the patented 2,800 RPM Hula motor made by T&L Perfect USA. They can either be thrashed around in an amusement park ride fashion or attempt to keep their head straight while the chair swivels their hips about.
Dr. Steven Blair, a professor of exercise science at the University of South Carolina, admitted he hasn't tried the Hawaii Chair, but he had some doubts.
"Obviously, it is possible to sit in a recliner and scarcely move at all. It's also possible to sit in a regular office chair and twirl around and around and you'd be burning calories, too, for free," Blair said.
Blair thought the chair might burn more calories than lying down, but he wasn't quite impressed and pointed out there are cheaper ways to burn calories while working.
"Standing, you'd be burning even more calories, and standing on one leg, you'd be burning even more calories than before," he said.
Instead of buying specially designed chairs, Blair recommended going out for a walk.
Weird Weight Loss Product 2: Vibration Plates
This is my personal favorite and gets my award for "exercise product most likely to detach a retina." Don't be deceived by the static appearance of this most curious of fitness machines -- it moves enough to make most users nauseous in about 15 minutes..
The Power Plate is priced at $4,500 (or a mere $2,499 for home models) and its manufacturers assure customers that the platforms only look like they're stationary. In fact, the plates are vibrating millimeters in distance back and forth under your feet.
"A person can stand on it and do a simple squat and still get a benefit from the vibration," said Julie Devin, marketing coordinator for Power Plate. "But it's intended for people to do exercises on it."
Devin explained the vibrations force the body's muscles to contract in order to keep the person's balance -- adding another level of work in addition to the muscles required to do a pushup, squat or stretch on the machine.
Standing on a whole body vibration platform as a way to shorten workouts is a scam that has already spread through Europe and now is hitting California (much like the H1N1 flu).
But Blair, the exercise science professor from South Carolina, remains skeptical (he's more tactful than me).
"I don't demean sitting less and standing more," said Blair. "But you'd spend a lot more calories, I think, even going for a walk than by standing on the vibration platform."
You'd also be a lot less likely to throw up on the walk.
Weird Weight Loss Product 3: Thermal Suits
Here's a blast from the 70's past. For better or worse, the "Rocky" movies brought mainstream America boxing fitness "secrets" such as eating raw eggs or jogging up stairs decades ago.
However, it took much longer for the public to glom onto the vinyl suits used by boxers and wrestlers to lose weight.
Makes and models vary from flashy silver suits to more subdued colors, but the point of every suit is to lose weight quickly.
What the buyer may not understand, or care to understand, is that they're really losing water weight through sweat.
"But they've been used forever. A lot of wrestlers use them in order to make weight, and I think that's how it filtered down to where the general public has seen it in athletes," said Richard Davis, co-founder of GoFit, maker of the GoFit Thermal Training Suit.
The vinyl suits make for great insulation, and little evaporation, when worn. Exercise long enough in the suit, and one might take off several pounds in water sweat.
"The premise and purpose behind it is weight loss, and the primary weight loss a user would experience would be water weight loss," said Davis. "Then again, if you go back and drink some water, you may gain it back."
Now, I can see some use in the suits for warming up muscles in very limited circumstances. For example, a relief pitcher might sometimes wear these things if they're trying to warm up quickly. As for weight loss, it would all be water weight. Once you start drinking it would come back, and the suits certainly don't speed up losing body fat.
Overall though these things are actually DANGEROUS!
People have DIED from heat stroke wearing these things, and the suits are counterproductive during a strength training workout. You're going to have more difficulty regulating your body heat, you're going to get tired sooner, and you're not going to get as far.
Weird Weight Loss Product 4: The Tongue Patch
Some people still take the "no pain, no gain" slogan to the gym. But it takes a certain type of bravery to take the theory all the way into the doctor's chair as he stitches a prolene patch to your tongue.
Dr. Nikolas Chugay, a plastic surgeon in private practice in Beverly Hills, Calif., (of course) developed the tongue patch as a temporary way to lose "20 to 40 pounds."
"The tongue patch is a prolene mesh [the] size of [a] stamp," Chugay said. "All you need is about four stitches to attach it to the tongue."
The prolene patch makes it uncomfortable, if not painful, to chew solid food. Chugay has implanted the patch in more than 10 patients, and sells a liquid drink mix (just protein powder meal replacement, but at a really high price) to the dieters to ensure more calories are cut.
Chugay said his drink is "about 700 calories per day, so it's a low caloric intake. It has carbs, proteins, fat, vitamins and minerals.
"Some people still manage to eat solid foods even despite of the patch, but it's a good way of helping people not to cheat," he said.
After a month-long liquid diet, Chugay will snip off the patch, releasing his patients into the world of solid food again.
Of course, who's not going to loose weigh on only 700 calories a day? Dr. Blair thought the approach seemed short-sighted for a person's general health, or even as an attempt to lose weight and he's right.
"If you make it painful to eat, maybe people won't eat so much -- in the short-term," he said.
"But it won't work long-term, unless somewhere in this world there is a crazy person who would wear this for their whole life," Blair said.
If you're that person, please email me now.
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